


Desire

by yamichankagami1



Category: DAKAICHI (Anime), 抱かれたい男1位に脅されています。 | Dakaretai Otoko Ichii ni Odosarete Imasu (Manga)
Genre: Depression, Drama & Romance, Incest, M/M, Self-Harm, Suicide Attempt, Two-time relationship
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2021-02-11
Updated: 2021-02-22
Packaged: 2021-03-17 11:00:46
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 2
Words: 8,121
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29349333
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/yamichankagami1/pseuds/yamichankagami1
Summary: There's a time when someone must do something that he need to do, that goes for Junta and Takumi as well. The war will come soon and they need to face it, leaves their partner alone to protect precious one. This is story about their each desire.
Comments: 10
Kudos: 4





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> War and Peace Alternative Universe for this story. War and Peace is one of Russian novel created by Leo Tolstoy. I use the novel as reference and write my own story and not copying all story from the novel.  
> I’m gonna make this fiction into multichapter and this story will contains warning trigger such depression, selfharm, two time relationship, suicide and incest. If you don’t like those warning and it can be triggering for you, then don’t read this story at first place for your own good!

Dakaretai Otoko 1-ni Odosareteimasu © Sakurabi Hashigo

* * *

Spring at England in 1812, 10.00 AM. It feels like been a long age that Sasaki Takumi, a man that just arrived in England’s land, come to this country again. It turns out that he only leave England for one year, of course it’s such a long time for him because he leave his wife at home. Takumi doing his job in other countries to gain more money to have proper life.

When Takumi want to walks home, he see someone that he know in this big street. It’s been a long time they haven’t see each other. He waves at him and call his friend's name. The man who being called by Takumi stop his walk and come closer to Takumi. His smiling face is something that never change since they know each other.

“Takumi-san, it’s been long time.”

“Well, Junta-kun. Glad to see you here. How have you been?” 

“I’m doing great.”  
  
Takumi meeting up with Junta, one of his friend that still keep in touch after seperate for the time being. Before Takumi left the country, he know Junta’s story about having someone special in his mind. It’s already over one year, so he want to know Junta’s story about that someone.  
  
“That’s good. You can come to my house today. I want to hear many things from you.”  
  
“Is that okay?”  
  
“It’s okay. Do you perhaps have some urgent matter now?”  
  
“No, I’m fine. Let’s go to your house.”  
  
Now they’ll going back to Takumi’s house. When Takumi think about his wife, he can’t stop smiling. Junta know what his friend thought so he didn’t bother to ask something. Whenever he see Takumi and his wife, it feels like they become a perfect couple in his eyes. That’s what Junta longing too, to have a great relationship and live together with partner that he loved to death. What a great dream.  
  
“Junta-kun, I think you have many stories for these one year. Ah, how about Takato-kun? Is he doing well?”  
  
“Yes, of course. He’s doing fine.”  
  
It just Takumi’s feeling or he can see Junta’s eyes more sparkling when he mention Takato’s name? Well, he can ask about it later. After several minutes, they arrive at Takumi’s house. When he knock the door, the door open and a woman come out. She’s smiling when see his husband arrive safely and hug him.  
  
“Welcome home, Taku-chan. I missed you.”  
  
“I missed you too. Ah, I bump into Junta-kun. Can he come in to have a cup of tea or something?”  
  
“Sure. It’s been awhile, Junta-san. Please come in.”  
  
“Thanks, Rina-san. I’m sorry if I’m bothering you.”  
  
“No at all, I’m glad if anyone can come here. Don’t hesitate.”  
  
Junta smile and come into Takumi’s house. He have his own reason for said something like that, he know today is a time for this couple to spend their time together. He didn’t want to interfere them but it seems they didn’t mind him. Well, after spend one cup of tea, he’ll go home. Several minutes later, the three of them having a tea in living room. They just chat and sometimes eat snacks. Takumi took a bite one of these snacks and see Junta.  
  
“Maybe I’ll see Takato-kun tomorrow, can you tell him, Junta-kun?”  
  
“Of course. He’ll be happy to see you, after all you’re his best friend.”  
  
“Well, you too, right?”  
  
“... no. We’re not best friend.”  
  
“Eh? I always see you together before leaving this country. What’s happen?”  
  
Junta’s smile become wider. “We’re not best friend, we’re lover.”  
  
“It turn out like that, huh? Congratulation. Since when both of you have deeper relationship like that?”  
  
“Around two weeks after you leave this country and now we’re engaged.”  
  
Both Takumi and Rina are surprised hear that. Of course they never know something like this would happen, but both of them smiling hear those happy news, especially when they see Junta’s smile. They know that the man really happy with his relationship with Takato.  
  
“Is that so... I’m happy to hear that news. I hope I can see Takato-kun soon and give my regards.”  
  
“It’s alright, Takumi-san. I can tell your message to Takato-san. After this, I’m going to see him.”  
  
Takumi chuckled a bit, he never knew that Junta is this clingy to Takato. Indeed he always see these two very close, if Takumi see with his own eyes maybe he will know the reason why these two very close. “Do you see him for private time or due your job?”  
  
“Both. Takato-san is really hard worker, right? I can’t let him disappoint with my attitude if I just see him for my own pleasure only.”  
  
“That’s right, especially we’re going to face war soon.”  
  
“Even those rumor already spread this wide, huh?”  
  
“I went abroad for one year, of course I know.”  
  
That’s right, all of them are aristocrats in this country. They have power and command in their hand, especially Takato that come from high class aristocrats family who side with Queen. Even Junta and Takumi are come from aristocrats family too, their family class still lower than Takato’s family. Some people said that Saijou family are Queen’s right hand, but who knows the truth. When Takumi said about job, it’s about aristocrats job to share their information regarding potential of everything that’ll occur in their country, especially war. In time like these, there’s rumor that war will be occur in the near future. No one know the specific, it could be tomorrow or even tonight.  
  
“In military, you have a great position, I think you still have your skill, right?”  
  
“Thanks. My skill to collect information still top class in my battalion.”  
  
“Well, I know Takato-san will depend on you, lieutenant Sasaki.”  
  
“Don’t call me that here. I’m not on my duty.”  
  
Takumi have his own reason for didn’t want to use to that nickname in this house. Junta nodded and they’re change their conversation topic. Somehow he sense there’s something wrong with Rina, so Junta look at the woman and smiled.  
  
“What’s wrong, Rina-san?” asked Junta.  
  
“Eh? No... I’m fine.” said Rina.  
  
“Glad to hear that. I thought you feel sick or something.”  
  
Takumi immediately looked at his wife, definitely there’s something wrong with her because he can see Rina’s face become pale but Rina choose to keep silent. Oh God, it seems he do some mistake several seconds ago. He hold tight Rina’s hand and look at Junta.  
  
“By the way, since you’re someone special for Takato-kun, I think it’s okay to meet him for private time.”  
  
“He won’t admit it. He’s shy after all. So, Takumi-san. I think I have to go now, I need to submit my report to Takato-san.”  
  
“You are hard worker too, aren’t you? Okay. See you soon.”  
  
Junta say his goodbye to these couple and shut down from this house. The atmosphere somehow change, Rina only look at her husband with sorrowful eyes or more like hateful one. Takumi sighed and try to pat his wife with his smile.  
  
“What’s wrong, Rina-chan? Do you hate the topic that we’re discussed?”  
  
“Of course, I hate it! I didn’t know that you would bring up those topic in this house. You said you never talk about war in this house. You lied to me!”  
  
“But I think we can’t affoid that situation, I’m so sorry..”  
  
“You can talk about that with your family or your friend like him but not when I’m around here.”  
  
“Rina-chan...”  
  
“I’m going to my room. You can eat by yourself, I already made your food.”  
  
Rina just go straight to her room, she didn’t even bother to see Takumi who tried to say sorry and convice her regarding their country’s situation. That’s the truth that can’t be escaped. He know war will come soon. When Takumi go abroad and hear those rumor, he look after many evidence that lead to the truth, it seems those rumors gonna be true. Maybe he’ll discuss it with Takato tomorrow, but now he need to calm down first, he need to make his wife calm down too.  
  
_‘I’ve make mistake. Rina-chan really hate war and here I am casually talk about it to Junta-kun in front of Rina-chan. Of course she’s mad at me.’_  
  
Rina is the only one survivor in her family due big war several years ago. At that time, Takumi who met Rina and didn’t want that girl suffer anymore ask her become his wife. He even promise her to give good life and didn’t talk about war anymore in front of her to make sure Rina can overcome her trauma. Takumi need to cure Rina’s trauma about war, but that’s really difficult.  
  
In other place, Junta arived at Takato’s place. Junta know that the man always being busy. He just wait Takato’s arrival in Takato’s office room. Several minutes later, the door open and he saw the figure who enter the room. Junta’s smile become bright and he waves at Takato.  
  
“Takato-san~, I’ve missed you.”  
  
“God! You’re come here this morning and you see me again this afternoon? What’re you thinking?”  
  
“I want to see you. It’s just that I can’t get enough seeing you.”  
  
“That’s unfair, you know...”  
  
Junta chuckled when see Takato’s face become red like that. He come closer to Takato and pat the older, of course Takato angry but he didn’t push away Junta. He just let Junta do what he want.  
  
“Let me become unfair only for you, Takato-san. I like you so... I think I need to have many moments with you.”  
  
“What’s with that words? It seems like you’re going to far place.”  
  
“Hahaha, maybe you can call it my preparation. I need to give you this.”  
  
When Takato see Junta bring some important document and it’s sealed with Junta’s family registration, he knew there’s something important that Junta want to discuss with him. Takato ask Junta to give the document and he walks to his desk and read the document. Of course, Junta followed him and even play with Takato’s hair behind the olders chair. Takato sighed when already finished read the document and look at Junta who still play with his hair.  
  
“Chunta, so we can’t avoid this war again... that’s what you want to discuss with me, huh?”  
  
“Yes,” Junta stop playing around and stand properly beside Takato. “My family look for some information regarding this matter, and we know some of France military still do their own action, especially when their leader bablbring about changing Europe.”  
  
“That’s why our leader want to end the pact... Shit, this gonna be big war again.”  
  
“I think you should discuss this matter to other aristocrats or even Queen.”  
  
“Your Majesty will ask someone else to do so. But I take your words, I’m gonna pass this matter to them.”  
  
“Okay. Then I want other things.”  
  
“What? Is there anything that we should discuss?”  
  
Junta only smiled and kiss Takato’s lips. The older shocked when Junta kiss him, but Takato can’t push him away. It’s only light kiss before Junta keep his distance from Takato. It feels like Takato follow what Junta’s want. Somehow he hate it but deep inside his heart, he can’t really hate it.  
  
“Takato-san, today Takumi-san already come back. It seems he want to discuss this matter with you soon.”  
  
“Is that so? Well, he can meet me tomorrow. I’m gonna hear his information and use both of your information to discuss with our leader.”  
  
“Great. I even tell him that we’re we’re engaged.”  
  
“What are you thinking? That’s embarrassing.”  
  
“No... he even say congratulation for our relationship.”  
  
“Tsk, I’m still not sure why you didn’t embarrassed about this matter at all.”  
  
“Because I love you.”  
  
Takato can’t win against him, it feels like Junta really like to bablring about their relationship. Indeed, they’re engaged but still no further talk about their wedding. In this situation, it’s not a time to have a wedding ceremony. Moreover, Takato still busy with his job. All that can they do just waiting for a right time.  
  
“... yeah, I know.”  
  
“Ehehe, thanks Takato-san. So now it’s our turn to have lovey dovey time.”  
  
“What? Chunta, no...”  
  
It seems Junta will do something as he please to Takato, just like his words before that he want to have many moments before going to war. They know that this big war isn’t something that can’t be avoid. They need to face it, they didn’t have much time to act like some lovey dovey couple these days.  
  


* * *

  
Several days later, Takato get many information from Junta and Takumi regarding the upcoming war. Takato already discuss it with military force and with other leader, they reach one conclution to participate in this war. Therefore they need many participate and it’s Junta and Takumi duty to participate in this war. Takumi is great lieutenant in England force, so everyone need him to participate in this war, that same goes to Junta as well. The two of them will go to other country to begin they’re journey as soon as possible. They’ll bring many battalion to begin their journey.  
  
After discuss with team, they’ll leave England tomorrow afternoon. Of course this isn’t a good new for Rina. When she heard about this, Rina really upset with Takumi. She didn’t want to talk with Takumi to reduce her anger. In their house, the atmosphere become really intense. It feels like if someone talks, everything will be lost control.  
  
“Rina-chan, listen. I’m sorry but this already decided by Your Majesty and team. I’ll participate in that war.”  
  
“How dare you?! Do you want to leave me again?”  
  
“I’m so sorry. I love you so please listen to me.”  
  
“Did you ever listen to me in the first place? You always said for country, for your own good. But where’s for my own good? Do you betray your own promise that time, Taku-chan?”  
  
“Rina-chan...”  
  
“I’ve been endured this time. I’m afraid... but you won’t listen.”  
  
“I’ll listen to you.”  
  
“If you listen to me, you never participate in this war. You’ll give me a good life without bringing up war. But look at you! You do the opposite!”  
  
Takumi really know why his wife angry so much at him. He broke their promise, he chose his country than his wife. At first he want to declined that offer but the leader himself chose him so Takumi didn’t have any choice to decline it. He know Rina will angry like this, it’s indeed a risk move.  
  
“Rina-chan, I promise after this we’re moving faraway from here and we’ll have good life. I’ll throw my position in military after this, so please.. I’m begging your forgiveness.”  
  
“I bet it’s just your nonsense again. I’m tired, Taku-chan. Why?”  
  
Rina begin to crying, Takumi relly sad when see his wife like this. He thought they’re gonna be happy but look at this, he didn’t even give a happy life for Rina. He can’t make Rina’s trauma cure too, it feels like become worst. When he come closer to his wife and wipe her tears, Rina didn’t want to see his face.  
  
“Don’t touch me, Taku-chan.”  
  
“Rina-chan?”  
  
Rina pull out a little knife from her dress and begin to let that knife touch her hand. Of course, Takumi suprised to see that. He want to stop it but Rina yelled at him.  
  
“Don’t touch me! You didn’t listen to me, so why should I listen to you? I’m scared, I’m scared... but you didn’t care at all. Why should I care about myself then? Should I make a deeper wound here? Ah, I bet you didn’t care at all.”  
  
Rina still crying while make her knife go deeper into her hand, it’s hurt, blood coming from her hand. Her expression looks in pain but she won’t stop. Takumi didn’t care if Rina will yelled again at him, he took the knife and throw it far from Rina. He hugged his wife and pat her hair.  
  
“Rina-chan, please don’t do this. Don’t make yourself hurt like that, I’m begging you.”  
  
“Taku-chan...”  
  
“I’m so sorry if I’m not become your good husband but please I love you... don’t hurt yourself like this.”  
  
Rina just remain silent and still crying, she still feel pain in her hand but deep inside her heart already dead when hear Takumi will participate in war. How can Rina tell him to stay here with her?  
  
“Then... you’ll stay here?”  
  
“I can’t do that. I’m sorry...”  
  
“Okay...”  
  
Takumi thought Rina already calm herself but it turn out that his wife still angry at him. Rina pushed him away and run straight to her room. Takumi want to chase her but Rina shut herself in her room, even looked the door. Takumi didn’t know why something like this happen. He try to say sorry for several times but there’s no answer from Rina.  
  
Meanwhile, Takato spend his time in his room with Junta. He know Junta will go tomorrow and this time in their last chance to have a lovey dovey time. Takato didn’t know that Junta will become this clingy today, he even won’t let go of him. Takato sighed and pat Junta’s head.  
  
“What’s wrong, Chunta? You really clingy today.”  
  
“Today is last time I see you, I want you to spoil me.”  
  
“You can see me tomorrow, right? I will see you off tomorrow.”  
  
“Yeah but... it feels like I can’t get enough with you. We’ll be seperate for time being, I’ll be lonely. Don’t you think so, Takato-san?”  
  
“Tsk, that’s your duty. We can’t let our emotion flow out in time like this. If you can win the war soon, you can come home.”  
  
“Yes, I’ll do that.”  
  
Junta smiled and still snuggle into Takato’s body. Junta even hugged him and kiss him more often than before. Of course it’ll be lie if Takato said he won’t sad seperate from Junta, but he can’t show that side of him. He didn’t want to make Junta worry. Junta see Takato’s face and kiss his forehead.  
  
“Takato-san, I’ll write many letters for you.”  
  
“Yeah, you should do that... I’m... I’m gonna mad if you didn’t contact me at all.”  
  
This is a rare moment, seeing Takato honest with himself make Junta feels happy. He kiss Takato’s lips, the soft kiss change into passionate one. Takato try to kiss Junta back, he even feel Junta use his tongue and somehow he’s lost control of himself. He let Junta take control of this kiss and ask him to let it go when he need some oxygen.  
  
“Hahh... what’s gotten with you? Do something like that.”  
  
“But Takato-san didn’t reject my kiss, right? You like it, right?”  
  
“Hah? Who’s like it... hnn...”  
  
Junta never know that Takato is a person like this, sometimes he never honest about his feeling but sometimes Takato do honest. That’s what Junta like about Takato, he really love this person.  
  
“I love you, Takato-san.”  
  
“... me too.”  
  
“Thanks. I’m glad I can hear those words before go to my journey tomorrow.”  
  
“Tsk, don’t let other people find out about us.”  
  
“Only Takumi-san. It’s okay~.”  
  
Takato’s face become red when hear that. He even remember when he met Takumi and that man asked about his relationship with Junta. Even Takumi is his friend too but being asked something like that it’s still embarrassing for Takato. At that time, Junta is with Takato and Takumi and only smiled when hear that question.  
  
“I wanna sleep. You should sleep too.”  
  
“Okay, Takato-san~. Good night.”  
  
When Junta see Takato already fall into his sleep, he pat the older and kiss him again. “Takato-san, you know... I’ll do anything for you so... please wait for me. I’ll be back.”  
  
Junta try to sleep too and hug Takato. But Junta never knew that Takato still awake and when hear those words, his face become red again. How can Junta said something like that into his ear? It’s not good for his heart. Takato will mad at him if Junta see him wake up, but only today he let Junta do as he please. After all, he want to give his man a great moment too.  
  


* * *

  
Today is the day that some of military force of England will do their journey. Many people cheer on them and pray that they will come home safely. That’s very encourage their spirit, of course they’ll do their best. Now Junta is with Takumi and other members all ready to begin their journey. When Junta see Takato, he waves at him. He really happy to see Takato now. The older right, he’s gonna see him off today.  
  
“Takumi-san, where’s Rina-san? I didn’t see her today.”  
  
“Eh? Rina’s condition didn’t well since yesterday so she can’t see me off.”  
  
“Is that so? You’re gonna leave her like that?”  
  
“...”  
  
“I’m sorry, I musn’t said something like that.”  
  
“I ask my family to take care of her. She’ll be fine.”  
  
“You really trust your wife, right? I’m envy with you.”  
  
Takumi only smile but he remain silent, he need to focus. This is very hard for him and Rina. Yesterday Rina didn’t want to talk again with him, he even ask his mother to take care of Rina when he’s not around. He try to apologize several times but there’s no answer from Rina until today.  
  
_‘She’s really hate me now. I’m sorry Rina-chan, but I’ll fulfill my promise this time. After this war ends, I’m gonna give you a proper and happy life.’_  
  
Takumi will have proper talk with Rina after this. He need to finished this job soon and go home, but for now he need to maintain his focus. Somehow he’s envy with Junta, he also see Takato’s here and see off Junta. He bet their relationship is doing well, not like his. But who knows? He didn’t know Junta and Takato’s story after all. After all set, they begin to leave England. Everyone give cheers and all of battalion leave this country with proud in their heart.  
  
Takato smile when see off Junta but his smile begin to off when Junta already faraway from his reach. He can’t see his man again. He know Junta will contact him, but somehow his heart still uneasy.  
  
_‘What’s wrong with me? I thought I already prepare my heart but when I see Chunta go, indeed I feel lonely. I hope this war won’t take long time.’_  
  
That’s Takato wish. He’ll do his best to win this battle with his diplomatic skill. When Junta go straight to battlefield, he’ll do back work with negotiation. Maybe it’ll be difficult since other party won’t hear their wish and still want to continue this war. It’s Takato’s battlefield, he’ll do what he can now. He don’t have anytime to worry or sad over little things, he need to do something. Takato will go back to his office before attend to conference. If Junta can do something, so do Takato. He’ll show what is his skill to other party.  
  
Meanwhile, Rina still shut herself in her room. She know her husband already leave England around this time. She look at her windows, today’s sky so bright but not like her heart. She still upset to Takumi but she know her husband try his best to convice her. But Rina herself have some issue regarding her trauma and she still can’t overcome with it. She’s scared of losing his husband, after she lost all of her family, Takumi is the only one for her.  
  
“Taku-chan... stay safe... or is it too late for me for saying this? You’re already leave this house. I’m sorry for being selfish.”  
  
Rina just crying silently in her room. Maybe she still can’t overcome her trauma soon and Takumi already leave to the battlefield. She only can pray safety for her husband now. Takato and Rina have their own problem when their partner leave, they even have their own decision regarding this. But they try to face it with their own power, no one knows who will able to face it until the end.  
  
[To be Continued]


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> This is about how long can Rina and Takato can endure their feeling when apart from their partner. A new guy approach Takato and begin to taking an interest with him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> War and Peace Alternative Universe. War and Peace is one of Russian novel created by Leo Tolstoy. I use the novel as reference and write my own story and not copying all story from the novel.  
> I’m gonna make this fiction into multichapter and this story will contains warning trigger such depression, selfharm, two time relationship, suicide and incest. If you don’t like those warning and it can be triggering for you, then don’t read this story at first place for your own good! For everyone who can read this story until the end, I really appreciate it.

Dakaretai Otoko 1-ni Odosareteimasu © Sakurabi Hashigo

* * *

Several days later after England military force goes to battlefield, everyone can only hope their military soldier will be fine. It’s not easy to gain the information in battlefield, no one knows what’ll happen. Some people think they’ll win the war for sure, some people still uneasy about it. Many people hold each their thought and can’t share it with everyone.

Just like Rina. After Takumi leave their home, she didn’t hear any words from her husband, it makes her stress out. Every night without people noticing her existence, Rina come out from her house and go to the bar. Every night Rina spend her time drinking cocktail, just do nothing. She remember her time with Takumi and it makes her feel really sad.

_‘Why you leave me again, Dear? I missed you already, Taku-chan.’_

Everytime Rina come to the bar, that beautiful woman makes some average guy try to hitting on her. Maybe because she’s come alone and every guy thinks that she’s lonely and want to spend the night together. What a disgraceful thought. Rina just sighed and left the bar after pay the bill.

“Wait, Miss. Didn’t you forget something?”

Some guy called her, make Rina stop her step and look at him. “What is it?”

“Of course, time to spend some hot night with me. I thought you’re lonely so let me make you enjoy the night.”

That guy even come closer and hugged Rina without her permission. Rina know what that guy mean, she didn’t say any words and stepped on that guy’s feet with her high heels. Of course that guy yelled and back off, Rina try to escape and run with her all might. She didn’t want that guy to chase her.

Rina hide herself in some of back alley, try to look if that guy still chase her or not. When the situation is safe, she come out from back alley and walk to her house. Some night like this happen when she go to average bar, she’s only want to spend her time drinking without being interruped by anyone, but case like this happen too.

Several minutes later, Rina arrive at her home. She checked her mail post and there’s letter from her husband. It’s been several days since Takumi leave homes and she get the letter from her husband. The smile look in her face, she really want to read it when she come in to her house.

_Dear Rina,_

_How have you been there? I’m sorry things become more complicated for us. I leave house when you’re still shut in your room. This is my fault. I write this letter to let you know that I’m fine here and want to apologize, I know I should face you properly to apologize but let me write this letter first._

_In here, we’re facing our enemy with all our might. We don’t know if the enemy will back off or continue their invation. I think it can’t be finished quickly. I’m truly sorry to make you worried in the first place, but I’ll make sure things in here can be done quickly so I can go home and meet you. So wait for me. I hope you want to do that. You’re my reason to finished this job quickly._

_Love you, my wife._

_From Takumi._

After read that letter, Rina grab the letter and look at her surrounding with empty eyes. She know Takumi will said something like this, she really know her husband but at the same time she didn’t know what her husband thinking. So Takumi let her know that situation out there still dangerous and he didn’t know when he will come home, right?

“You just make it worse, Taku-chan.”

Rina still hold that letter and let out her crying. She glad receive that letter but at the same time, she sad that she didn’t know when her husband will come home. That’s the fact that make her sad. How many times that she need to wait for him? Rina didn’t know. There’s many possibility that could be happen in war. It makes Rina feel sad and want to cry again.

“I need him to know my condition as well... I don’t know if this is the good choice or not but...”

Rina want to write a letter but she can’t move inch her body, it feels like her body become numb when thinking about what’ll happen to her husband. Death will haunt her husband, it could be happen anytime. If Rina thinking like that, it makes her condition become worse. She couldn’t help but crying again. It makes her remember the time when her family being assault by enemy.

“I’m scared... help... Taku-chan...”

No one knows what’ll happen to Rina, even herself as well. She feel that fear again, it makes her trauma become worse. Indeed Takumi let her mother check out Rina’s condition but her mother didn’t stay at this house, Rina all alone. She’s alone in that condition and no one can help her now.

In other place, Takato is busy with his diplomatic job until midnight. He didn’t have much time to relax at the time like this, if he slip the chance it can be worse for their country. Somehow what makes Takato feel uneasy is the way their leader act, truly that Your Majesty let her team handle this problem but he feels there’s something off. But he not sure what is it.

“I’m tired. Maybe a little rest...”

Takato try to close his eyes, he remember Junta’s promise about write a letter and will finished his job quickly. He want to help him too in diplomatic way, but it seems little hard than usual. Takato never hear anything about Junta’s condition out there, of course he’s worried but at the same time it feels like if he didn’t receive anything how can he know about it?

_‘Chunta, how is it out there? I know you can take out our enemies but..’_

He feel worried, that’s normal. Even someone like Takato can feel uneasy if he face situation like this. From morning untill night, he’s busy with meeting and meeting, not having a good rest for himself. Takato hope he didn’t burn out so easily, but he’ll do anything for this country so this is his choice.

Takato remember this afternoon he receive many letter that he haven’t open, maybe he can check that letters one by one. He look at each letters and his eyes catch out one letter from Junta, he just open and read that letter.

_Dear Takato-san,_

_How are you? I know you’ll busy until midnight, right? At the time like this, please refrain from pushing yourself. You need to take a rest so you can do your job without being tired. I know you can do that, Takato-san. That’s my Takato-san!_

_You didn’t need to worry about here, I and Takumi-san and everyone will do our best to fight our enemies. Please take care of yourself first. I love you, Takato-san._

_From Junta._

“What’s with this letter? You think so high of yourself, huh?” Takato chuckled a bit.

He know that Junta try to make him feel secure with this letter. That guy never let him know what’s is fear of losing or something, it feels like Junta himself try to make him never feel that way. Sometimes Takato glad about it but sometimes Junta’s action like that make him worried too. Is that guy pushing himself or not?

“I know you can do that, Chunta. So please go home quickly. Well, I can reply his letter soon. I’m glad can see your letter and know you’re doing fine out there, Chunta. I’m so glad.”

Somehow Takato feel refresh and relief when read that letter, it feels like his worried about his fiance already gone when read that letter. That’s why communication is the important thing in every situation, especially in the time like this. Takato have trust to his fiance, so he didn’t want to worry himself.

If Junta can do his best to make his job done, of course Takato can do the same thing. Takato didn’t want to lose to anyone, even to his fiance. He just didn’t like being losing to anyone.

Let’s call today is time to rest, well it’s already this late. Takato check his watch, it’s already past 1.00 AM. Takato will have another meeting with other aristocrats this afternoon and he need to rest himself. He need to convice other aristocrats to join their team and face their country’s enemy in diplomatic meeting. To do so, Takato need some backing up from Your Majesty team.

“It’ll be tough one. But I’ll take that as challenge.”

* * *

Day by day has passed away and it become month and another month already passed too, exactly it’s been four months since England military go to battlefield. There’s still no news regarding England military and war still continue as well. Even someone try to do diplomatic way to solve it but other party didn’t make a move, it seems like they didn’t want to have any discussion with England itself and look down at them. Is that way of other party to resolve things? Nobody knows.

At time like this, many people begin to struggle and didn’t know what’s next move. Even some of the soldier themself lost their vatigue. Takumi know that he need to do something, he can’t let others didn’t concentrate in this war. Takumi himself must face this without lost his focus, of course he’s still thinking about his wife. Especially when he receive letter from Rina, when he read it somehow Takumi know that inside his wife’s heart there’s still uncertain feeling about him.

_‘She can’t handle this any longer... Be patient, Rina-chan. Me too, I want to go home and meet you. But I can’t do something selfish like that.’_

“Lieutenant. Sasaki lieutenant...”

“Ah? What is it?”

“May I know your opinion about this plan?”

“Ah yes, I think that’s good. Just let others know and hold other meeting for them.”

“Yes, Sir.”

Those soldier begin to excuse themself and Takumi sighed, somehow he didn’t concentrate in today’s meeting. He still thinking about his wife condition, how can he calm down after reading that letter? Junta who saw that begin to talk to him, indeed he worried too about Takumi.

“Takumi-san, what’s wrong?”

“Junta-kun? It’s okay, just thinking some strategic for war.”

“Did you lie to me? Maybe you can fool our soldiers but not me. I’m your friend since a long time ago, and I know if you behave like this that there’s something that bothering you.”

“Ahaha, how can you do that? Well, a little...”

“Is it about your home, maybe?”

“Yes, it’s about Rina... I’m envy with you. Takato-kun didn’t said anything about his condition, right? He still remain calm as well.”

“Well, everyone have their own limit, I think. I don’t know what’s happen with yours but Takato-san’s calmness somehow make me feel that he push himself.”

“Did you think so?”

“Yes, he won’t speak anything to me. In his letter, he only said will do his best in diplomatic. Somehow rather speak to his fiance, it feels like we talk as business partner.”

Takumi chuckled a bit. He know Takato is someone who didn’t tell his true feeling and try to become strong in situation like this. He hope Rina can do that as well but just like Junta said, everyone has their own limit. Is that Rina already reach her limit? Should he go home and check his wife? But he can’t do that. If he go home now, everyone will call him betrayer. Somewhere in Takumi’s heart, he didn’t want being called like that. So he decided not to go home until this war finished. He will finished it soon and talk properly to Rina. 

Meanwhile, Rina always hope that her husband will come home and meet her but that day never come. She always waiting but there’s nothing, only his letter that arrive at her house. Rina feel empty and didn’t know what should she do to gain her sanity. She really reach her limit.

“Taku-chan... you won’t come home, huh? Even in every letter that I sent to you and ask you to come but you didn’t choose me again. Again... you make me dissapointed again.”

After that incident in bar, Rina didn’t go to the bar again. She afraid will meet some guy like that guy again. When she tried to go to the other bar, some similar case happen and she really stop visit the bar. She shut in herself in her room again. Rina’s room already in mess, there’s many bottles of alcohol and she didn’t bother to clean up this mess. She use that to regain her sanity but didn’t work. It feels like everyday become worse for her.

“Taku-chan, you will leave me soon, don’t you? You didn’t reply to my last letter... Is this you way to said goodbye?”

Rina’s eyes already empty, she didn’t feel anything. Even when she stab or make a deeper wound in her own hand with knife, she didn’t feel any pain. Rina didn’t care if she will lost many blood from those wounds. No one can stop her because there’s no one beside her who can calm her of give advice.

Rina’s hand already full of wounds, both of her hands. Usually she wear long dress, so nobody notice her wounds. When Takumi’s mother visit her, she try to become normal herself but never let her stepmother come to her room. She lock it so no one can notice it. She’s really already broken inside.

“I don’t know when mother will visit me but I don’t care. I can’t handle this anymore.”

It feels like Rina really losing herself, after make many wounds in her hand then she go straight to her wardrobe. In there so many beautiful dress, but she didn’t happy at all to look at it. How can she wear that beautiful dress when her husband not beside her? It’s useless to have many beuatiful dress like this, she took one of the dress and tear it off with her knife. She do that without hesitate until all of her dress already tear off.

When Rina make many move like that sometimes she feels pain, maybe becuase her wounds make it worse to move around. She chuckled a bit and look at her wardrobe again. “I found it.” Rina found some long rope in there then prepare something. When her preparation is done, she smiled.

“I can’t feel pain... yet this wound become worse but I only feel a little pain. Is it because my heart already dead? Or actually I already dead? I don’t know. I must find the answer by myself, am I really still alive or already dead?"

She climbed into the chair and let that rope wrap around her neck. She ties that rope tight until she feel dizzy. This is fine, the pain that she felt in her hands and neck are nothing than didn’t get answer from Takumi. It’s fine. She won’t feel anything soon, right? 

In other place, exactly in Takato’s ofice room, he’s let himself busy with all of many documents and didn’t get any rest at all. From morning to afternoon he have meeting after that he handle the documents until midnight. It feels like Takato really push himself, it’s to distract himself from his loneliness. 

It’s been four months, and he only receive letter from Junta until the second month. After that he didn’t receive anything. He know that situation out there become worse, it’s make his job really hard to handle because whenever he try to defense his country, other party always didn’t give any response. He know that well, but... somewhere in Takato’s heart, he feel insecure about this.

Did Junta still alive out there? What’s happened there? He didn’t get any information at all, the leader in Queen’s side won’t tell him specifictly. Takato ddin’t know the reason too, is it to make him focus on his duty or there’s anything else? Who knows.

“Damn, how can it turn out like this?”

Takato just let out his big sighed and look at his calender. Tomorrow night there’s a dance party between all of aristocrats in England. He hope in that dance party he can gain other aristocats to join him and willing to help him. Actually he’s tired with that kind of party, but he must participate.

* * *

The next day at night, Takato come to the dance party. Just like he thought, many aristocrats come to this party. Some of them are people who didn’t care much about war and want to let those soldiers die in vain, Takato despised those ignorants side of them, how can he share the same status with those trash? Thinking about it makes Takato want to puke himself.

Some people reach out Takato and talk to him like there’s nothing to worry about it, when Takato try to speak up about war some of them didn’t give much response that he want. He only smiled and back off from those people, he really hate it. Whenever he goes, in this party no one talk about the war. When he hear some of them talk about it with him, some of them just make fun of those soldiers and aristocrats who join that military.

Just because their status are more above than those aristocrats who join in battlefield, it doens’t make sense if they make fun of anyone who put his life in war. Those higher aristocrats are trash, Takato really know about it. He decide to not join any longer and want to take another glass of his wine. When Takato ask waiter to give him another glass, a young man approach him and smiled at him. That waiter leave the two of them to do his job.

“Good night, Saijou-san.”

“Good night too, if I’m not wrong you’re the first son of Ayagi’s family, Ayagi Chihiro-kun. Is that right?”

“Yes. I’m glad that one of powerful aristocrat like Saijou-san know my name.”

“Don’t said something like that. I know because long time ago I have business with your father. I hear some rumors that now is your turn to become represent of Ayagi’s family.”

“Yes, my father already so old so he need to rest himself, then I’m taking his place. Well, I know about you too, Saijou-san. The one who have high justice among aristocrats. You’re the one who really do your job to protect our soldiers who go to battlefield out there, right?”

Takato remain silent, how did Chihiro know something like that? But maybe he know because of his father, well it can’t be help. Takato nodded and smile like always he do. “So you know my recent job? Thanks. I hope some aristocrats share the same feeling like me to participate in diplomatic issues.”

“But for them that’s just waste a time, right? Some of them thinking those soldiers should die in the first place, like they didn’t care at all about this war as long as their business is secure.”

“You’re really sharp, I appreciate your deduction. We life in society like this, the strongest didn’t care about the weak. The weak can’t win against the strong one. It can’t be help.”

“But you do want to change something, right, Saijou-san? I know it, your eyes really show it. You’re really interesting, Saijou-san.”

Takato only chuckled a bit and drink his wine. Maybe it’s been awhile for him to talk something like this, when everyone didn’t take him seriously but Chihiro hear him out and even give his own opinion. Maybe this young man like him can understand the situation, maybe he can have deep talk with him about this matter after this dance party.

When they’re busy talking, some of people begin to go to the dance floor and dancing. Adter all this is dance party and of course it’s a waste if they come here and didn’t dancing at all. Chihiro look at Takato and smiled.

“Why don’t we have a dance too, Saijou-san?”

“Huh? Do you mean we’re dancing? No, I’m...”

“Or do you decline it because you can’t dancing?”

“What? As aristocrats, of course I know how to dancing. Let’s go, Ayagi-kun. I’m gonna show you what ‘s the best dancing. You might be surprised.”

“I’m looking forward it, Saijou-san.”

Chihiro hold Takato’s hand and they’re going to dance hall. The younger place his hand into Takato’s waist and hold Takato’s hand, Takato begin to follow Chihiro’s movement and they start their dancing. Somehow Takato realize that their position now is embarrassing, it feels like he do the woman’s part of dancing and let Chihiro do the man’s part. Takato let his guard down toward Chihiro.

“How’s my dance, Saijou-san? Is it make you glad to have dance with me?”

“What’re you talking about? Of course it’s you who must be grateful to have dance with me. If you’re do bad, I will toss you ot of this dance hall.”

“I’m scared, Saijou-san. Please don’t do that.”

Chihiro smiled and make his movement become more beautiful, sometimes he pull Takato’s hand and make their face closer. Takato is surprised when realize his face and Chihiro so close, but Chihiro do nothing and let Takato go then begin their dance again. When they finished their dancing, people in that dance hall are claping and Chihiro let go of Takato’s hand.

“That was good dance, Saijou-san. You’re right, I’m so grateful to have this dance with you. I’m looking forward for our next meeting. See you.”

Chihiro already left this dance hall and want to go home. His smile is wider when remember his dance with Takato. He never know that some high aristocrats like Takato can make that face when he pull him closer. What a beautiful face that he have, indeed Takato’s beauty makes him take a interest with the older one.

_‘Can I make you mine, Saijou-san? That would be more interesting itself.’_

When Chihiro arrive at home and come in, he go straight to other room. He knock that room and someone in that room let him in. Chihiro come in to that room and saw a younger man than him closed his book. He come closer to the younger and hugged him.

“I’m home, Ryo.”

“Welcome home, Big Brother. How is it the dance party?”

“It was fun, I guess. What’re you doing? Study?”

“Yes. In order to help you, I need to study hard.”

Chihiro chuckled and pat Ryo’s head slowly. His touch make the younger brother smile. Chihiro know that his little brother is beautiful when smiling like that, that’s what he likes about his little brother. He let go the hug and sit down in chair, he ask Ryo to sit beside him and lean his head to Ryo’s shoulder.

“You’re very diligent kid, I like that. But you don’t have to catch me up so soon, you need your own time.”

“But I want to useful for you, Big Brother. I want to help you.”

“When the time comes, you can help me. You know I met an interesting person in that party.”

“Is that so? Who is it?”

“The powerful aristocrats in Queen’s side, Saijou Takato.”

“Ah, the one that father always tell us, right? Does he really an interesting person? I want to meet him too. Can I meet him, Big Brother?”

“I don’t know, he’s busy guy after all.”

“I hope some day I can meet him. I want to know how interesting is him. If Big Brother said something like that, I bet he’s really an ineteresting person.”

What a pure heart that Ryo have. Maybe Chihiro never tell Ryo that he take an interest in Takato because he want to make that man become his belonging. Chihiro didn’t said any words and kiss Ryo’s cheek.

“You should sleep now, I take you to your room.”

“Yes, Big Brother.”

The two of them begin to leave this study room and Chihiro takes Ryo into his little brother room. This night was long yet have nice memories for Chihiro. He hope that he can meet Takato in next meeting. Of course he’ll try to look again the schedule so he can prepare time to meet that guy.

_‘I’m gonna see you soon, Saijou-san.’_

[To be Continued]

**Author's Note:**

> Hello this is Yami-chan Kagami, I come again to this fandom but now I write something different. Usually I write Usaka x Arisu fanfiction, but now I try something different. As I wrote in the beginning, this story may contains warning trigger and I won't responsible if you still read this story but those trigger warning makes you feel sick. I put other trigger for upcoming chapter. For those one who fine with this kind of story, I hope you can enjoy it. See you around.


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